This four-episode mini web series came out of a pilot I had written, but didn’t have the resources or ability to make. So instead, I thought about where the stories could go and how to get these relationships into gear, and that’s what this is. This is the start to a larger and longer story. Think of this as a proof of concept to showcase the ideas I have for a show. This is by no means a full-fledged story, but a map for something larger.
I Still Hate You explores my worst fear: my childhood best friends coming back into my life. Not the ones I’m still friendly with, but the ones I loathe—the ones that raise passive aggressive comments, competitions, and self-hatred; the ones who beg my mind for comparison. This is a story about deciding whether or not to let go of a grudge.
I think we all hold grudges. And to an extent, that can be healthy. We can use them as fuel and drive to accomplish goals; we can reflect on how far we’ve grown as an individual; we can harmlessly gossip with our friends about it over drinks. However, grudges can also be detrimental. They can keep you living in the past, afraid and unable to move forward. We can spend hours checking all of our social media looking for that one person from high school who left their mark on your brain, to make sure we’re doing better than they are in life. We can be so concerned about how other people see us, we forget to think about how we see us.
At its least, a grudge is nothing larger than a passing thought. At its most, it’s the shadow in the corner of your room on those nights when you pull the covers above your face but leave your nose poking out so you can breathe but periodically cover it again so you don’t risk being exposed. But for the most part the grudge is content. Not to be stirred, only to be fed and kept hydrated.
So what would happen if after years away, and years to grow, you came face to face with that one person, that one grudge, that never left the back of your mind? Would you see each other’s point of view and communicate like adults? Would you regress back to being your fourteen year old self? Would you say the past has passed let’s move on? Would you play the victim? Would you grab your good samaritan points and move on? Would you start new adventures together? —I think the answer is all of the above; and also none of the above. Because I don’t know. Because it’s fiction, and that’s the fun part, you get to make it up. The only difference is I took those stories my mind created to entertain me throughout the day and wrote them down.
—Anna Pothier, creator/director of I Still Hate You